A tribute to one of my hero's - Ben

It is hard to put into words the emotions I felt on the morning of November 19, 2012, when I received the worst news of my life, my older brother, Ben passed away during the night. I immediately dropped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably…………………thinking this was all a bad dream! It wasn’t. The pain felt was unimaginable.

"I've missed you very, very much since that last night we were together, and will hold that night specially in my memories years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I've been sitting here, looking at your picture. I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, except of course, you yourself. I keep thinking of you, keep wishing you could be here with us. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost without you! I never realized i could miss any one person so much, I just hope it wont be too much longer until I'm able to be with you again."

Those who knew him understand just what kind of an astonishing individual he was. He not only cared about you and everyone else, he wanted to make sure you were comfortable, and was always willing to do whatever was required to make you feel important, special and loved. I suspect few people that have ever lived on this earth have ever been more charitable than my amazing brother.

I have MANY fond memories of him. Growing up we spent a lot of time together, doing many fun things, all amazing ideas of Ben. Some of my earliest memories I have involved Ben. I remember spending many hours together outside doing what? Playing basketball. We both had a desire to play growing up and I always remember spending many hours on the driveway pretending to be Michael Jordan, Karl Malone, John Stockton, or whoever our fancy was towards at the time. I also remember going to school together, always excited to see my older brother at recess or in the halls.

I will also never forget spending many hours in our club house (the rafters in the garage) creating “traps” where if people came into the garage they were met with a barrage of water balloons or booby traps or most likely both. Some of my favorite booby traps were the flying hammer or the swinging saw. I remember well sweating profusely for hours in the tops of those rafters.

One of my most fond memories of Ben was when we got a little older, at some point during our teenage years, Ben, Steve Fellows and I would all lie on the ground and let our German Shepherd, Lassie, drink water out of our mouths, seeing who could go the longest without laughing.

I remember when Ben got married to his wonderful and amazing wife Amy and thinking how weird it was not having him living in our home. After all he spent many hours babysitting us “boys” while Mom and Dad were out and about.

Gratefully Ben’s touch, charm, and thoughtfulness did not end after he was married. He still continued to care about us; always willing to try to help in any way he could to make everyone else feel loved. I remember spending nights over at his and Amy’s house after they were married and he would always get up and do one of the things he loved most, cooking (and eating) breakfast.

Ben had a love for cooking and did it well. He was particularly great when the fire was a blazing on the barbecue, cooking up amazing steaks or chicken breasts. One could also argue he made the best Biscuits and Gravy around! He also did an AMAZING job of being able to put out fires others created.

The greatest area of expertise for Benny was when he was just hanging out with his family. You could always see the love he had for them even in the most trying of times. He frequently was up late taking care of the little ones while they were sick. Ben’s greatest passion though in his life was always towards his wife. Anyone who knew Ben knew the person he cared about the most, and wanted to be the most happy and care for the most was none other than Amy!

I never realized what it would be like not having someone you loved and cared about so much gone! There is a hole, a void, which can’t be replaced. My mind continually goes back to the many AMAZING memories I have had with him, however, they are quickly enveloped with that dreadful morning. I am so grateful we were able to spend some time together, one last time, about six hours before his death, enjoying being in his company, chatting about one of his favorite past times, video games. 

I yearn so much to be able to spend just one more day, hour or minute with him. Knowing it probably will not happen for many many years seems hard to fathom, unimaginable! When it is my time to pass on by, I hope I am some sort of a resemblance of the amazing person he was. If I am, I will feel greatly honored! Thanks Benny for so MANY amazing memories, I am distraught knowing I won’t be able to see you for most likely many years.

When my time comes, I know Ben will do what he always did, run to me with open arms, give me a BIG hug and make me comfortable as quick as possible! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH BEN!!!